The Heart Throws No Fish Back In The River

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“Love, my mother believed, was the only specific for true beauty—an abundance of it could make a woman who was as plain as zwieback go into the streets smiling, with her head high and her shoulders back, and a dearth of it could transfigure a good and glowing aspect into one that drove the woman to lock herself away like a vampire.  As for my mother, she appears in her wedding photograph to be a handsome woman, with a healthy body and a furnished mind, the type of woman who is assumed to be responsible, efficient, and kind to animals and old people; but it was my father’s adoration and then the memory of it that elevated her to a dear and perfect splendor.  And she was never aware that I knew how she made sure she stayed that way.

She took for granted that intelligence was needed.  She believed that a woman had to be bright enough to choose correctly and distinguish between abiding trust and transient infatuation. She believed also that a woman’s intelligence, which she called “the ability and desire to spend as much time in the world of serious ideas as in the shoe shop.” should be swirled in with her other attributes.  She spoke of intelligence as heightening the impact a woman could make,  the way a cook might scare vanilla batter with just enough nutmeg to make the cake memorable.

She explained that the optimal situation involves heart and mind working together, and that only a woman who is swept away could be ignorant of the way the heart was always pressing for advantages behind the mind’s back. “The soul wants to feel good all the time.  Feeling good all the time is irresponsible.  And someone must be hurt in order for that to happen.  The heart will inevitably find you the most all-around charming man in the room, but you should never trust it to decide if he should be kept.  The heart throws no fish back in the river.  It doesn’t realize that there is always another one around the bend.”

-Kaye Gibbons, Divining Women

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As She Gathered Her Skirts

tower steps

As she gathered her skirts and headed briskly up the staircase she hoped the view was worth the strain on her tender lungs, bruised from the ill-fated excursion to the Teparda bog the evening before. The effects of the poisonous air of the bog lingered, even though she had been careful to wear surgical gauze over her nose and mouth. Malicson had insisted she see the view from the Northeast garrison tower and he had insisted in a way both frightening and intriguing, so here she was climbing the five flights of stairs to the top.

Three flights up and her lungs ached. It had been challenging to escape her evening household duties so she hoped to get back before it was noticed that she was gone. She reached the top, a spare circular room with one tall narrow window. It was almost dark and she could see the dancing bonfires on the river bank to the East. The Jompays had gathered for their monthly lune ritual and the flames glowed rich pinks, purples and blues from the spices thrown in as they circled the fires in solemn weavings, which reminded her from that height of inner clock workings.

She looked to the North and saw what Malicson had wanted her to see. A thin greenish mist clung to the rooftops of the houses in the Jacka neighborhood. The neighborhood where her mother lived.

 

 

 

(a story I am working on)

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Free From the Past

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Lasso Of Truth

lasso

I don’t know where you are

because you are in another room.

I don’t know how you feel

because your voice too faint to hear.

I don’t know what I said, or didn’t say

I don’t know why you bowed and turned away

I just know that love once lassoed us as one

And the rope, while loose is not undone.

 

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In the Land of Lollygag

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Fritter is something I do – not eat,

Although I call it lollygag.

Some might say I loaf around,

But truly aren’t loaves made of bread?

My mind works such

from slack to bread to silly songs

It scoots here and there

and underwear

The time it takes to encompass these thoughts!

If daydreaming is an art

Applaud my form

As I can paint so leisurely.

No clock can stop

My wandering thoughts

Nor pressing tasks that plead,

Even now when I really should sleep,

Sitting up in bed, here I am–

Mind alert and pen in hand.

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Jennifer Jumping

cliff-above-clouds

In the dream she’s always falling

Falling seems to drive the dream.

From shark fin cliffs–

Through clouds that smell of buttermint,

Her arms are wide to ride the wind.

No ghost hand shove,

no skittered stones & slip of foot, 

she leans–

And in the lean

She lets the leap,

And in the leap she lets the fall,

And if she lands

And if she lands

She knows the joy–

Her heart will burst.

written on a cocktail napkin, Fall 1998

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They Dance There Still

shoe-age

Strewn feathers across the grass

Leavings from a violent death.

Blast tumbled shoe across the tile

We leave so much of ourselves behind.

 

Death laps the blood

from the stained dance floor

where hearts beat true and free,

Coward’s hate can devastate

but rage can’t take it all,

They dance there still they always will

And dance shall we

in memory.

 

 

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Hillary Wrote Me a Letter

And here it is.  I thought what she had to say was so profound…I had to share it.

 

Lynette —

On Sunday, Americans woke up to a nightmare: Another act of terrorism in a place no one expected it, a man with a gun in his hands and hate in his heart, apparently consumed by rage against LGBT Americans — and, by extension, against the openness and diversity that define our way of life.

No matter how many times we endure attacks like this, the horror never fades. The murder of innocent people always breaks our hearts, tears at our sense of security, and makes us furious.

So many of us are praying for everyone who was killed, for the wounded and those still missing, and for all the loved ones grieving today. As a mother, I can’t imagine what those families are going through.

But we owe their memories and their families more than prayer. We must also take decisive action to strengthen our international alliances and combat acts of terror, to keep weapons of war off our streets, and to affirm the rights of LGBT Americans — and all Americans — to feel welcome and safe in our country.

Here’s what we absolutely cannot do: We cannot demonize Muslim people.

Inflammatory anti-Muslim rhetoric hurts the vast majority of Muslims who love freedom and hate terror. It’s no coincidence that hate crimes against American Muslims and mosques tripled after Paris and San Bernardino. Islamophobia goes against everything we stand for as a nation founded on freedom of religion, and it plays right into the terrorists’ hands.

We’re a big-hearted, fair-minded country. We teach our children that this is one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all — not just for people who look a certain way, or love a certain way, or worship a certain way.

I want to say this to all the LGBT people grieving today in Florida and across our country: You have millions of allies who will always have your back. I am one of them. From Stonewall to Laramie and now Orlando, we’ve seen too many examples of how the struggle to live freely, openly, and without fear has been marked by violence. We have to stand together. Be proud together. There is no better rebuke to the terrorists and all those who hate.

This fundamentally American idea — that we’re stronger together — is why I’m so confident that we can overcome the threats we face, solve our challenges at home, and build a future where no one’s left out or left behind. We can do it, if we do it together.

Thank you for standing together in love, kindness, and the best of what it means to be American.

Hillary

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For My Friends Who Love Bernie

My Republicans friends…I love you but this post is not for you.  It’s for us left-leaning Democrats and Independents.  See you next post, okay?

 

My friends who love Bernie…it should be no secret that I am a Hillary supporter. I know that you have your ideas about Hillary but please hear me out. I don’t want to discuss what she has or hasn’t done. I don’t want to discuss the polls about Bernie vs you-know-who.  I especially don’t  want to discuss all the endless rhetoric and speculation about the Clintons and their private and public life.  What I do want to tell you is why this election is so important to me.

 

It’s important to me for two reasons.  One has to do with my personal journey as a woman.  The other has to do with my lifelong fascination with the era of the 1940s and World War II.

 

It was a different world when I went out into the workforce in the 1980s.  Women in leadership positions were seen as cold heartless bitches…like the Sigourney Weaver role in Working Girl. Think about the title of that movie….back then the term GIRL was used to demean women.  Would you say that girl ran for Congress?  That girl was head of her own company?  That girl won the Nobel prize? But isn’t a girl a female in her teens or younger?  Sadly, that term was used towards grown women.  Today we are used to seeing women in positions of power…or at least many more than used to be.  Back then it was a novelty.  I went to work as a store manager for a large retail company that had 337 stores in 13 states.  Of those 337 store managers, approximately 30 of us were women, and in every store I managed, I was the very first woman who had ever managed the store. I had customers ask to speak to the manager, even after I said I was the manager. My district manager told me that the regional manager said in a meeting that women weren’t  qualified to run stores. He didn’t think we could cut it.  As a woman I had to work twice as hard as my fellow male managers to prove myself. I was very lucky in that over the years I worked there I had two district managers both who believed in me and supported me.  I heard horror stories from other districts about how the female managers were treated. And some of the other store managers were very condescending towards females.  It was a very tough road.

 

Over the years many times I have been treated like I was less than a man, like I didn’t have as much worth because I was a woman.  I am a feminist, plain and simple.  Being a feminist means that I believe that women are equal to men.  Not better, equal. That we should be treated the same.  It’s a really simple concept that can be so twisted and misconstrued by people. When I opened up my shop 12 years ago, there were people who treated it like a hobby, because in their minds, a woman who opens up a shop is just “playing store”.  Unlike a man who starts his own business.  Never mind that I have a business degree in Marketing and have over 35 years of retail experience, including a stint as a regional manager responsible for 33 stores!  Even today I had a customer walk through my shop and ask me if the items in my shop were my own collection and how long did it take me to accumulate them!  Because they evidently couldn’t wrap their brain around the idea that a woman could have a professional curated vintage shop, that’s been going strong for 12 years. And this is 2016!  There are still plenty of people that have a hard time valuing a strong independent woman. We still have a long way to go.The fact remains that men run things, with a few exceptions.

 

Did you know that Hillary Clinton was voted the most admired woman in the world for the past 20 years?  That’s right…from 1995 to 2015.  The most admired woman.  In the world!!!  That’s worth three exclamation points, at least.  Gallup Poll.  Look it up.  I am thrilled that Hillary is the Democratic nominee.  She’s strong, capable, tough as nails, supremely intelligent, pragmatic, deep-thinking, diplomatic, and has an amazing network of capable people around her that she has built up over the years.  I am equally thrilled that it’s FINALLY A WOMAN. Yes, I said it.  I want a woman president!  Isn’t it about time?  This past week has been very emotional for me, as I watched her become the nominee.  This is a big deal for me.  A really big deal.  And I am asking you, my Bernie friends, to understand that and give me the opportunity to be proud to be a woman who has fought so hard over the years to finally get to this point.

 

I know where you are at.  I know that you are profoundly disappointed that Bernie won’t be the nominee or our next president.  I have felt your pain.  I feel sorry that you have to go through this. Please be happy for me…at least a little.  That’s all I ask.

 

As for my 2nd point……I have studied at length World War II.  I know a lot about Hitler and authoritarianism.  Imagine you were a German citizen back in 1932 and you didn’t especially like Hindenberg and you couldn’t bear to vote for him because of your feelings. Hitler’s running too, and while he and his followers have already displayed arrogance, authoritarian leanings, brute strength, and beatings of bystanders at rallies…you decide to vote for him.  Or you decide to not vote at all or vote for a third candidate with no chance of winning, which is a vote for him.  After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

 

Do I have to point out what’s the worst that could happen if He-who-shall-not-be-named becomes president?  Do I really have to?  You are smart, truly you are…all my friends are intelligent.  I know you know this.  You know what will happen.  And if you truly love Bernie and his beautiful message, you couldn’t possibly want the idiot T to be our next president. You can choose to not vote for Hillary…that’s entirely up to you. Bernie has pledged to do everything in his power to make sure idiot T doesn’t become president…because that’s the kind of man Bernie Sanders is.  You can choose to do your part in making sure T doesn’t become president.  Or you can choose not to….but either way I will still love you.  But either way, just remember…talk is cheap. Actions speak.

thanks for listening,

 

Lynette

 

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Pear

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If a pear could weep it would,

cascading tears down its glossy sides.

The banana has gone astray,

jam grubbed hand plucked it away.

Moments later, a resounding crash–

the banana hasn’t come back.

No curved embrace furthermore,

Just one lonely pear in the bowl that’s home.

But what’s this–

some glossy grapes slide into view,

they tickle, as they nestle close.

If a pear could smile, it would.

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