We All Carry Our History

wire

We all carry our history differently inside us,

Some tie memories to leaded fishing weights,

so they can sink deep deep deep,

Others coat them in hard glossy varnish,

so they gleam–better than new.

One trots out faded high school glories,

like ancient dancing show dogs,

given half the chance,

Another wraps his childhood in padded blankets,

so there’s just the occasional muffled thump.

 

But what of the barbed wire memories–

that scar anew every time they surface?

they can be countered and defused–

we can smooth the sharp edges,

we can roll them between our fingers with a loving caress,

until they become–

a simple truth.  No more, no less.

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Don’t Sleep Through the Beauty of the World

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Don’t sleep through the beauty of the world,

be awake when sparrows wing their tapestry across the sky,

The shadow of the stalwart tree moving across the lawn,

see the glittering march of the tide.

Be awake for the darting hummingbirds

among the lilies at the edge of the bluff,

and the white ruffled burst of waves

as they fling onto the lighthouse rocks.

Only sleep in the quiet hours of the night,

when the only thing moving is the sweeping hand

of the grandfather clock in the front hall.

And maybe not even then.

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Live in the World of Creativity

paris day 2 003

In college my heart’s desire was to major in English and live as a writer in a garret in Paris. Being of a practical nature and not just a romantic dreamer I ended up majoring in Business Marketing…but my concession was to minor in English Creative Writing so I could at least live partially in that world too.  I tended to be a lazy writer….thought more about writing than actually doing the work but I did write some poetry, short stories, and started at least two novels.  One of my classes was poetry writing, and over the course of the semester I only turned in three poems.  Three!  We read our poems aloud and had them critiqued by the professor and other students and I had heard enough positive feedback to know I hadn’t at least failed the class. On the last day, we in turn, went up to the professor to get back our final poem and hear our grade.  I was expecting perhaps a C, due to the scarcity of my submissions…..but when it was my turn, the professor handed me my last poem and said in a bright clear voice…..Lynette you are getting an A, as you are the best poet in the class.

 

I don’t remember the poems I wrote, although I am sure they are somewhere in my files.  I don’t remember the other poems written by other students, except for one about flicking a stone from a bridge into a river.  I am not sure why I remember that one, but I do. At this point I don’t even remember the professor’s name.  But his words stuck with me…and also what he had to say about being a poet.
He said..if you want to be a poet…it isn’t enough to write poetry. You need to live in the world of poetry.  You should be reading other poetry and getting to know other poets.  You should be buying poetry books, because, after all, don’t you want people to buy your poetry books? You can scribble a poem here and there, and call yourself a poet…but if you really want to be a poet…you have to LIVE IT.
This has always stayed with me and it applies to other creative endeavors as well. To live the life of an artist you should be studying and enjoying and living with other artist’s works. To live the life of a writer, you should be reading other writers.
Not to copy.  Not to be envious or feel bad that you haven’t accomplished what they have accomplished. Not to compare yourself with them.
To be inspired.  To support the art form.  To relish in sharing your passions.  To learn as much as you can and take that and apply it to your particular vision.  That’s what it’s all about.
Creating can be, by nature, an isolating venture.  We tend to write and draw in a solitary world.  So by interacting with other like-minded souls we can be enriched and nurture our creative spirit.
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Waiting for a Man To Face His Fear

romantic-city-street

Waiting for a Man To Face His Fear

He’s just across the street.

the street lamps should pop

from the tension between us.

As I sit, I knit a scarf

of lavender patience,

with threads of trust

glimmering softly

in the faded bar light.

1st draft – 8/12/1998

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The Limp

womanwave

Imagine you have a limp.  Imagine that your leg was badly injured many years ago, and for reasons of your own, you didn’t seek treatment and so the leg healed badly and now you limp.  Most days you get along fine with it…you don’t even notice that you limp and you only have pain when you walk a little more than you usually do, so you generally don’t walk much for pleasure, if at all.

 

One day this person comes along and you enjoy them so much you want to walk with them. You explain your limitations and they say it’s fine…we can just take it slowly.  So the two of you walk together and it’s lovely.  Sometimes the pace is a bit fast and it stings a bit and you ask to slow down but otherwise you walk slowly with them, limping by their side. The two of you get along so well that you talk about longer walks, in fact you talk about running with them, maybe even a marathon.  You discuss ways to heal your leg and there’s part of you that wants to but there’s also a part that is really scared.  You know it would involve more pain, before it healed correctly and you also worry that it might not heal at all.  You’ve lived with this bad leg for so long that it’s become part of you and you have gotten comfortable with its limitations.

 

You feel bad that your limp affects your relationship and you feel you aren’t being fair to the other person.  You just can’t do longer walks…and you feel like you are holding the other person back. You walk less and less and while the other person is understanding and patient it makes you feel worse.  The worse you feel…the less you want to walk.  You start thinking that maybe you are someone who  just shouldn’t be walking. And one day, you finally tell the person that you can’t walk with them any more.

 

And you slowly limp away.

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How Paris Keeps House – 1928

taxi paris

“Nearly all French city dwellers live in apartments.  With few exceptions, there is no such thing as the individual house.  Even the rich are mostly confined to one floor, although this may have gorgeous parlours, bedrooms, and all the other quarters of a fine residence.  Such apartments have an infinite number of rooms equipped with large mirrors, and walls decorated with stucco designs which often surround panels of satin or silk.

 

The furniture is more elaborate and less substantial than ours.  Indeed, I tremble whenever I sit down on one of these gilt-framed, spider-legged chairs for fear it will collapse and bring me to the floor.  And then the upholstery!  The colors are so delicate that I feel like spreading my handkerchief over the place where I sit.  The French woman’s ideal of a well-furnished parlour seems to be that it should have a great deal of furniture, including many lamps and bric-a-brac of all shapes and sizes, filling every inch of available space on piano, table and mantel.

 

One of the difficulties of renting an apartment in Paris is having the proper record made of the furniture.  Not only must every chair, sofa, and table, every bit of bed linen and china, and even the smallest kitchen utensil be listed, but one should note the bric-a-brac item by item, and give the condition of each piece at the time of the renting.  Taking an inventory of the smallest apartment usually lasts several hours, since every scratch on a chair, every worn space on the upholstery, and every spot on a cushion must be itemized.  For upon expiration of the lease a heavy penalty is imposed for any damage done by the tenant.  If the clock is in running order it must be itemized as EN MARCHE, which means that it is going, and the same is true of every bit of machinery.

 

In addition to the rent, a fixed sum is charged for cleaning an apartment.  This item is often left out of the lease, but it equals five per cent of the rent, and is a large part of the janitor’s wages.  Indeed, except for his lodging, the janitor gets very little out of the landlord.  The French janitor is quite as powerful and dictatorial as his brother in the United States and it is well to keep on his good side; for he can omit to deliver your letters and can say you are out when visitors come.  Furthermore, you are obliged to have him turn on the light in the hall when you ring the bell upon coming in late.

 

That matter of light is another economy.  At night the lower front door of every French apartment building is as dark as a pocket, and electricity is so controlled by a mechanical device that the lights only burn long enough for you to get to your floor.  This is about three or four minutes.  The janitor turns them on at your ring; they go out by themselves.  The electric current is weaker than in America.  In many apartments one cannot use an electric iron and an electric heater at the same time.

 

Among the surprising economies of the French apartment is the elevator, or the lack of it.  The American Embassy is in a fashionable apartment house in an excellent location.  The American who calls upon our Ambassador is lifted from story to story in a tiny little elevator not as big around as a hogshead, with two seats in the corners.  It will not accommodate more than two persons at one time.

 

This elevator was operated by a push button;  but that is nothing, for even at some Paris hotels where they are charging six dollars and upwards a day for rooms, the elevators are run by push buttons and the guest does the pushing.  In the ordinary apartment house the elevators are only used in going up.  You are supposed to walk down, for this saves the “juice”.  In many apartment houses there are no elevators and six-story buildings are now being built with nothing but stairs.  I am on the fourth story of my hotel here in Paris and I have timed the elevator going up.  It takes just two minutes, or thirty seconds per  floor.  At the same rate it would take an hour to go to the top of the Woolworth building and back.

 

Fuel is saved as carefully as electric current.  There is no such thing as waste of wood or coal.  Many of the railway companies run their engines with coal dust pressed into briquettes or bricks.  Coal dust made into balls the size of eggs is used for cooking as well as for house heating and grate fires.  In Paris wood is sold by the bundle and the ordinary wood yard is a little store about eight or ten feet wide, facing the street, the wood and kindling piled up on shelves.  It is estimated that France spends almost seventy million dollars a year for wood.  It is so costly that except for kindling it is burned only by the rich.  A great deal of gas is now being used for cooking, especially in the larger establishments.  The people hardly know what it is to be warm in the American sense of the word, and the luxury of a fire is dispensed with, except in the coldest weather.

 

And then the tips!  There is a continual dribble of francs and sous.  Every time your doorbell rings you had best be ready a fee, for someone will expect it for the alleged service he has performed.  The boy with a telegram or the postman with a special delivery letter will want at least two and a half cents.  The grocery man will expect a ten-cent tip, and the messenger from the big department store should have the same.  At New Year’s everyone who has served in one way or another during the year comes to the door of the house and frankly asks for a present.  Moreover, they get it–the man who sweeps the street in front of the house, the mechanic who greases the elevator shaft, and the girl who delivers the milk, as well as the janitor and all his family connections.  Every mechanic who makes repairs must have his tips, and the taxi driver is cross unless one adds ten per cent to the amount shown on the meter.

 

There are many queer features in these French apartment houses.  One is that the renters often install their own gas and electricity, the landlords insisting that the pipes be put outside the walls, lest they leak.  At the close of such a lease the tenant takes the fixtures with him or sells them to the incoming tenant.  In most cases the heating arrangements are bad.  Steam and hot water heat are unknown to many a French household, and some apartment houses are still built without electric lights.

 

In comparison to ours, the cheaper dwellings are like pigeon coops.  They are small flats in which cupboards have been built into the wall to save room.  The door to the cupboard looks as if it leads into another room, but upon opening it one finds a bed within.  There the children sleep.  The floors of these apartments are good and are often kept shining with iron shavings which look like excelsior.”

 

-Frank G Carpenter, Carpenter’s World Travels, 1928

 

 

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Rise Up Everyone and keep Rising

This is one of my very favorite Facebook posts EVER. This. THIS. As my muscles ache after a long day at the show…..THIS. As I watch and admire my 80-year-old mother still make plans and have such a spritely energetic attitude towards life…THIS. When I hear customers talk about how they don’t need anything anymore and are getting rid of things instead….THIS. I vow to live and love fiercely…the remainder of my life…whether I have five years left or forty. THIS.

 

With many many thanks to Elizabeth Gilbert.

 

Dear Ones –

This is a line my (73 year-old) mother said to me the other day, while she was issuing a gentle warning not to fall into the trap of letting your life get smaller as you get older.

She was talking about how frustrating she finds it that — somewhere around the age of 50 or 60 — she watched as so many of her peers stopped making goals and long-term plans for adventure and exploration in their lives. Instead, they began shutting down, and making their lives smaller, and their minds smaller, too. She got so weary of listening to them making self-deprecating jokes about how old they were, and how much their bodies hurt, and how bad their hearing and eyesight was getting… She felt they had surrendered to age far, far, far too soon. My mom said, “Nothing is more frustrating to me than listening to people who are still vital saying, ‘Well, at our age, you have to be careful…'”

No. She begs to differ. As you get older, there is no more time to be careful, and no more REASON to be careful — at least as my mom sees it. Instead, this is time to seize as much life and joy and adventure and learning and novelty as you possibly can. As my mom said, “I hate seeing people slide themselves into the grave far before their time. Death will come when it comes — but it’s crazy to sit around waiting for it. If you’re not dead yet, you’re not done yet.”

My mom thinks that everyone should have a five-year plan for their lives, and also a ten-year plan, and a twenty-year plan — and that every few years you have to revisit your plans to see if your goals and aspirations have changed…and that you should never stop making these plans, even as you age. (Especially as you age!) She has shared with me the travel she wants to do in the next 20 years, and work she wants to finish, the projects she wants to begin, the cultures she wants to explore, the people she wants to enjoy, her fitness goals…

It’s inspiring.

I have heard people speak of their lives as if they were finished at 30, done at 40, washed up at 50, too late to start over at 60, no more chances at 70…

But are you still here?

Then you aren’t done yet.

Don’t make your life smaller as the years pass. If it’s time to start over, then it’s time to start over. If you aren’t where you planned to be, then it’s time to make a new plan.

Today, I ask you all to share the most inspiring stories you know (from your own life, or the lives of others) about people who refused to be done yet, because they aren’t dead yet.

Rise up, everyone, and keep rising.

We are still here. There is much to be done and enjoyed.

Let’s go.

ONWARD,
LG

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A Good Hat Has An Idea

hats

” All the sisters had what was called a hat face.  They looked good in hats, knew how to put them on.  You can give a beautiful hat to a beautiful woman, but if she doesn’t know how to wear it–the right angle, the right attitude–it can look dopey or worse.  Whereas a woman who might seem ordinary, in the right hat she becomes a siren, a vamp, a pixie, a coquette, a dependable human being, someone to be reckoned with, innocent or mysterious.  A hat more than any other article of clothing creates an instant persona.  A good hat has an idea.  It’s a frame for your face.  Too bad women don’t wear hats in America much any more.  They’re shorthand for telling people who you think you are in the world, who you want to be.  The taking off and putting on of a hat is a small piece of theater.  Even when there is no audience, the act of putting on a hat is performed, it gets you into character.”

-Patricia Volk, Stuffed

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Brookhaven Spring Show 2016

brookhaven spring 2016abrookhaven spring 2016backa

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Can a Selfish Person Truly Be Happy?

self·ish
ˈ
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
Someone told me the other day that they have come to the conclusion that they are just a selfish person. We can all be selfish at times…it’s part of human nature.  But to decide that it’s part of one’s intrinsic personality and accept that, is something I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around.  Are we born selfish and just learn to be loving and giving?  Or do we turn selfish due to our environment and experiences?
I am blessed to have in my life many loving, generous, giving people.  I also know and have known quite a few selfish people. And in each and every case, the people who are loving and giving are much happier and live a richer, fuller life.  You would think it would be the opposite…that a selfish person, who only is concerned with themselves, would be happier because they can concentrate on their own happiness.  But the opposite is true.  I think we gain joy and happiness from giving to others.
There’s a place for selfishness, if it means taking care of oneself, having healthy boundaries, loving oneself for who one is….but I am not sure that even equates to being selfish.  I think true selfishness is always putting oneself first, no matter the circumstance. It means that the world revolves around that person and nobody else matters.  I saw what true selfishness does to a person, in a long term relationship I was in many years ago.  As time went by, he became more and more selfish…and the more selfish he became, the more miserable.  He was filled to the brim with self-loathing and he was incredibly selfish the majority of the time.  Even when he did something generous, it was only to make himself feel better and not out of a loving gesture. I have never known a selfish person who was happy.
I have wonderful parents…..both are loving, generous, thoughtful and kind.  It’s the foundation I built my life on and it has served me well.  It makes me happy to be loving and generous.  And I find that the love and kindness I give out is returned to me tenfold.
I think selfishness is a decision…a choice.  I don’t think we “have” to be selfish. It’s many choices we make every day.  And if we fall into the pattern of selfish acts, we can recognize it and make better choices.  When we choose to be loving and giving and forgiving, when we choose to treat others with consideration and kindness, when we choose to put a lot of thought and effort every day into bringing joy into other people’s lives…that’s where true happiness lies.
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