We learn along the way. Sometimes the hard way. When we fall in love, our checklist of desired qualities can be set aside while we are swept off our feet and madly in love. My last relationship had some very undesirable qualities. I wince just thinking about what was lacking. Now that I am single again I look forward to dating. There are some really great guys out there and I am confident there’s a really good man out there somewhere looking for me. I am older and wiser and know better what to look for. I am putting it out there…okay universe…this is what I want.
My Next Man:
1. will be my intellectual equal
2. will have a playful side
3. will have a loving healthy relationship with his friends and family
4. will have strong morals and integrity
5. will be supportive and enthusiastic about my dreams and passions
6. will have a soulful side
7. will take care of himself physically and take care with his appearance
8. will appreciate the small special moments in life
9. will think I am beautiful…especially my inner beauty
10. will be generous in nature
11. will have a lot of depth
12. will have great curiosity about the world and love to travel
13. will be young at heart
14. will NOT have sexual hang-ups
15. will have a good imagination and love to read
16. will have a joy for life and usually see the glass half-full
17. will NOT be a couch potato
18. and most importantly, will make our relationship one of the top priorities in his life
That’s my list. I don’t care what he does for a living. I don’t care what kind of car he drives. I honestly don’t care what he looks like..as long as there’s a spark. I care about his character and his values and how he chooses to live his life. I care about how he treats me. I think he’s out there. When the time is right….he will arrive in my life. I am an incurable romantic….my last relationship may have left a few scars, but life still holds many great things for me in the future…and a wonderful man is one of them. I believe.
It’s been five years since I wrote this blog post and I have dated several wonderful men in that time. While I have yet to find the love of my life I have been blessed to have had these men in my life…it’s been a fantastic journey. And I have learned more about what ultimately I need in a long-term relationship, so here’s an update.
19. If he has baggage from his past, as we all do, he is aware of it and is actively working to keep it from interfering with the quality of his life.
20. He is both a dreamer AND a doer. I have met my share of men with big dreams for their lives and our lives together but somehow all the dreams never seem to go past the dreaming stage. It’s great to talk about all the wonderful things he wants to do, but if they never happen then it’s lost opportunities for a deeper richer life.
21. He will understand and appreciate the art of good conversation. I truly love long far-ranging conversations and have them often with my wonderful friends and family members. I need that in my romantic relationship too. He won’t be self-absorbed to the point where he would rather share his stories than listen to mine. Great conversation is a two-way street and part of any healthy loving relationship.
22. He enjoys and appreciates old things…antiques and vintage. He doesn’t have to be as deeply involved in that world as I am, but he needs to like them, as they are such a big part of my life. Shared interests really are part of a sustaining relationship.
And finally, 23. He is my best friend and is someone I would be great friends with, even if we weren’t romantically involved. The best marriages I see are ones where they are each other’s best friend. It’s simply that deep affection you have for each other beyond the romantic feelings and just enjoying so much just being with the other person, no matter what you are doing. Even going to the grocery store together can be great fun.