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We learn along the way. Sometimes the hard way. When we fall in love, our checklist of desired qualities can be set aside while we are swept off our feet and madly in love. My last relationship had some very undesirable qualities. I wince just thinking about what was lacking. Now that I am single again, I look forward to dating. There are some really great guys out there and I am confident there’s a really good man out there somewhere looking for me. I am older and wiser and know better what to look for. I am putting it out there…okay universe…this is what I want.
My Next Man:
1. will be my intellectual equal
2. will have a playful side
3. will have a loving healthy relationship with his friends and family
4. will have strong morals and integrity
5. will be supportive and enthusiastic about my dreams and passions
6. will have a soulful side
7. will take care of himself physically and take care with his appearance
8. will appreciate the small special moments in life
9. will think I am beautiful…especially my inner beauty
10. will be generous in nature
11. will have a lot of depth
12. will have great curiosity about the world and love to travel
13. will be young at heart
14. will NOT have sexual hang-ups
15. will have a good imagination and love to read
16. will have a joy for life and usually see the glass half-full
17. will NOT be a couch potato
18. and most importantly, will make our relationship one of the top priorities in his life
That’s my list. I don’t care what he does for a living. I don’t care what kind of car he drives. I honestly don’t care what he looks like..as long as there’s a spark. I care about his character and his values and how he chooses to live his life. I care about how he treats me. I think he’s out there. When the time is right….he will arrive in my life. I am an incurable romantic….my last relationship may have left a few scars, but life still holds many great things for me in the future…and a wonderful man is one of them. I believe.
SUMMER 2016
It’s been five years since I wrote this blog post and I have dated several wonderful men in that time. While I have yet to find the love of my life I have been blessed to have had these men in my life…it’s been a fantastic journey. And I have learned more about what ultimately I need in a long-term relationship, so here’s an update.
19. If he has baggage from his past, as we all do, he is aware of it and is actively working to keep it from interfering with the quality of his life.
20. He is both a dreamer AND a doer. I have met my share of men with big dreams for their lives and our lives together but somehow all the dreams never seem to go past the dreaming stage. It’s great to talk about all the wonderful things he wants to do, but if they never happen then it’s lost opportunities for a deeper richer life.
21. He will understand and appreciate the art of good conversation. I truly love long far-ranging conversations and have them often with my wonderful friends and family members. I need that in my romantic relationship too. He won’t be self-absorbed to the point where he would rather share his stories than listen to mine. Great conversation is a two-way street and part of any healthy loving relationship.
22. He enjoys and appreciates old things…antiques and vintage. He doesn’t have to be as deeply involved in that world as I am, but he needs to like them, as they are such a big part of my life. Shared interests really are part of a sustaining relationship.
And finally, 23. He is my best friend and is someone I would be great friends with, even if we weren’t romantically involved. The best marriages I see are ones where they are each other’s best friend. It’s simply that deep affection you have for each other beyond the romantic feelings and just enjoying so much just being with the other person, no matter what you are doing. Even going to the grocery store together can be great fun.
Penelope's Musings 
Great list. 🙂 I hope you find all of that AND MORE. I think it’s fantastic to put it out there; I believe that’s totally attainable. Go find him!!
Thanks Jackie! I totally believe that it’s a realistic list….I didn’t include the obvious things, like a similar sense of humor. If I have learned anything from all this is that you have to be very VERY specific in what you need in a relationship and make sure it is there before making a serious commitment. We deserve it!
I think I’m going to make a poster out of this. My husband of 20 years left this summer which has devastated my boys and myself. I too am an incurable romantic, and believe that God has something better for me out there. Thank you for your list and thoughts. Blessing to you and your exciting future.
Colleen I am so sorry for what you are going through. I divorced my husband this summer after twelve years of marriage. It was a very difficult and painful process so I can relate to your pain. However, for me, it was the best and healthiest thing to do and already things are much better for me. I did much soul-searching to come up with this list…in my opinion there were things that were missing in my marriage and this list is a reflection of that. I have total faith that God has a better man for me and whatever is supposed to come your way as well. Sending many good blessings to you and your boys and thank you for taking the time to respond.
Colleen, I don’t know you, but I’m wishing you a wonderful, bright future with your boys. There are reasons these things happen, and no doubt there is something much better around the corner. That seems like a trite thing to say, but after a couple of failed relationships, I am currently happier than I’ve been in many, many years. I wish the same for both of you ladies.
” Then love knew it was called LOVE.
And when I lifted my eyes to your name,
Suddenly your heart showed me my way”